Methods for not fasting EVER!

Fasting isn’t a word I like to use often, but over the past couple of weeks I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. It’s quite annoying really. Who wants the word fasting floating around in their cerebral cortex or where ever it happens to originate in the cranium area. Not long after the word popped in my head, I knew really quickly I was going to have to concoct a plan if I was going to be able to convince my conscience fasting wasn’t for me. First off, have you seen me. I’m as skinny as a rail. For as long as I can remember I’ve been the skinniest person I’ve ever met. I don’t have enough meat on my bones to fast, right. I currently weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life, and I’m still as light as a feather. What gives? Anyway, being skinny surely disqualifies me from fasting, right. Then there’s the whole thing about how unhealthy it would be for a skinny guy like myself to not eat for a whole day (I might die). After fighting for a while, my resolve starts to wain though. Don’t you hate it when some pesky idea pops in your head, like it’s God or something, and you just can’t get rid of it. It makes you wonder if ‘Inception’ is happening inside your head. The next phase in the process of resistance is bargaining. Once I come to the realization that fasting applies to me, I then have to shift gears and water down the definition of fasting itself. So I bargain with the voice in my head, “how about instead of not eating for a full day, because that’s just impossible, how about I stop watching television from 7pm to 8pm for a week.” The bargaining doesn’t stop there though. I’m a witty guy, and this pesky voice that keeps telling me to die to myself isn’t going to win. So now it’s time to pull out the big guns. Okay you say, how about if I give up something that is near and dear to my heart. Wait for it…how about if I give up coffee for a week (anyone who knows me knows this wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t rather give up food for a week before coffee). If this doesn’t work, don’t give up hope, there is still one more thing that can be done.

Now, fasting some things can be detrimental to your health, and only trained professionals should really try the more difficult fasts. With that said, my next suggested fast isn’t one you’ll want to throw out flippantly to appease that pesky voice. This next suggestion could cause physical harm and may drastically effect ever relationship in your life. Have I built it up enough? Okay, here goes, in order to finally shut that annoying voice up once and for all, you pull out the wildest card of them all, you suggest fasting Facebook. I know, I know, take a moment to breath. This is a drastic thing, but if we’re going to convince our consciences that we don’t have to fast food, then drastic is what we have to get. There are going to be sacrifices involved for sure, but if you do these tried and true methods, you too will be able to overcome and never have to skip a meal in your life.

What are you doing for lent?

Do you have difficulty fasting?

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve heard someone give up for lent?

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