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Five Reason Why I’m Not A Vegetarian

12 Jul

1 year later and my resolve to be a carnivore is stronger than ever.

tommueller

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While out shopping today I was struck with an odd thought. Chalk it up to the fact that I’m currently getting my oil changed and that kind I boredom can spark interesting thoughts a you wait for the pushy salesman to come back and tell you of all the other fluids your car needs. Along with wipers, a vacuum, and a radiator flush. So what’s the random thought you ask? I’m betting the suspense is killing you. Well, here it is, How in the world do people go with out meat? So, I came up with five reasons why I’m not a vegetarian. I could come up with more no doubt, but five sounded trendy and cool.

1. Costco-Have you been to Costco lately? Being a vegetarian at Costco must be the most depressing thing EVER! It’s like going to Diary Queen and deciding to just get a water. Going…

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16 Oct

My buddy Caleb wrote this great post everyone should read.

Hero of Beijing

30 Mar

As I gear up for my trip to China this coming June, I’ve been thinking back to previous trips. This clip is a video a couple of my teammates made for all the students at TIP a couple of summers ago. Some of the humor is lost a little in the translation (not being there), but funny none the less. I thought I would share with everyone out there. I’m trying to make them famous because they are just too dang funny.

A few things to remember while watching this video:

1. Much of the video is filmed in a bathroom

2. The shower he walks out of is actually a shower-squatter toilet (Yuck)

3. We did not coerce the guy singing to do this, but he was all to eager to be the hero of Beijing (miss you Caleb).

Enjoy the show

26 Mar

Funny and insightful.

The Case of the Disappearing Marshmallow’s Part 10

2 Feb

Pablo couldn’t believe his porcupine ears as he listened to the penetrating words of Franky the Fox. For years Pablo had carried this anger towards Franky, but more than that, towards marshmallows. This hatred had carried Pablo through the years. When others had moved on with their lives, Pablo was consumed with how he could get revenge, but now he could feel the familiar feelings of revenge and anger melting into a puddle of remorse at his feet. For a moment he tried to resist, but he couldn’t gather the strength to hold on. The weight of the anger was like a mason stone tied firmly around his neck, and he had carried it oh so long. He longed to feel that weight lifted and today he could feel the rope loosening its grip.

Pablo pulled his FlyPhone out of his pocket. There was a sense of nervousness in the air from Peter and Franky, still not knowing what was going through Pablo’s heart and mind. They knew he was only one little click away from total devastation, but the nervousness depleted as Pablo’s face became more and more tender. In a hushed muffled tone, Peter and Franky heard Pablo mutter the words,

“I’m sorry.” “I’m so sorry!”

Pablo fell down to his knees in exhaustion and then lifted his FlyPhone up in the air as an offering to Franky who stood before him. Franky received the offering with a strong sense of relief and then handed it to Peter. It was all finally over! Peter opened up the application and found the App, marshmallow annihilator. He opened the App and saw the total destruction button. He carefully navigated through the menu to get to the settings where he saw the setting, FlyPhone mind control ON. He switched the setting to OFF, and then closed the application. He didn’t know how long it would take for everyone who had a FlyPhone to remember marshmallows again.

As Franky and Pablo talked, Peter decided to call Gilbert to make sure it was all over. Peter dialed the numbers and then heard,

“this is Gilbert the Platypus…if you like beavers and you like ducks, then you’re gonna love Gilbert cause I’m both!”

“Hi Gilbert,” Peter broke in.

“You have no idea how good it is to here your voice.”

“Today has been the longest day of my life Gilbert and I have an important question to ask you buddy.”

“Would you like to come over tonight and make smores?”

There was a slight pause on the line and apprehension filled the air until he heard.

“Boy oh boy would I ever,” exclaimed Gilbert.

Peters little froggy heart leaped inside him and he could barely contain his joy which exploded like mentos dropped in a 2 litter bottle of Sprite. The case of the disappearing marshmallows was over! Marshmallows were now safe, and all the creatures of the swamp land were free to enjoy them once again.

Later that evening Peter, Gilbert, Franky, and Pablo sat around the largest fire that any of them had ever seen or heard of and roasted the most delectable treat ever tasted! They all enjoyed the new friendships formed, but more than anything they enjoyed the sweetest treat in the

The End.

The Case of the Disappearing Marshmallow’s Part 9

30 Jan

As pain filled Peters exhausted body, he resigned himself to the fate he believed was inevitable. All he could do now was watch Pablo make his way up the stairs towards the roof access. Peter was so beaten in that moment that everything seemed in slow motion. Each step Pablo took was like an eternity, and as his foot landed on each step, it echoed with a fury in Peters ears. As Pablo neared the top of the stairs, all Peter could see was his darkened silhouette shadowed by the light that radiated through the cracks in the door. For a split second everything was so surreal he almost thought it was all a dream. As Pablo reached toward the door knob, one more shot of adrenaline rushed through his veins. Disregarding the coils that ravaged his body and the pain that accompanied, Peter the frog stood to his feet and hoped beyond hope.

Pablo reached the roof access door and grabbed the latch violently. As he yanked it open, what stood before him shocked him beyond belief. He was so taken back that he almost fell down the stairs backwards. The next words that he heard pierced his ears and heart like a dagger thrown by an Olympic world champion.

“Pablo,” the voice spoke sternly but compassionately, “you’ve got to give up this evil plan of yours.”

“I could stop you right now if I wanted, but it has to be your choice.”

“Pablo, I’m sorry for what I did to you all those years ago.”

“Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could take back what I did to you and your friends.”

“I’m sorry that I used you as a roasting stick, Pablo!”

Pablo’s heart melted in that moment like butter being melted in a microwave. His legs got a little wobbly as he listened to Franky the Fox try to convince him to abort his master plan.

The Case of the Disappearing Marshmallow’s Part 8

29 Jan

“Pablo, please don’t do anything rash! You’ve got to come to your senses.”
“Enough talk Peter; I’ve had enough of these charades.”
​With that, Pablo’s prickly little thumb made its way to the app that would be the end of the world as we know it. It would be the end of the sweetest, most delectable treat ever! There wasn’t anything Peter could do, and he had never felt as helpless as in that moment. He closed his eyes as he waited for an explosion of some sorts. Bewilderment spread across his face as he opened his eyes and looked at Pablo the Porcupine. Peter caught Pablo’s eyes as Pablo’s face turned white with fear.

​After all the years of research and planning, Pablo was about to be undermined by the most basic of oversights. What Pablo didn’t take into consideration in all of his planning was that when he was ready to implement the terror of all terrors that he would be standing in between numerous metal warehouses. Anyone that has been to a metal warehouse will tell you that it’s nearly impossible to get a mobile signal. As this knowledge dawned on Pablo, panic set in. Their eyes met with intensity. Peter looked at Pablo as his eyes scanned down to the FlyPhone. Peter just new he had to get that phone, and before Pablo could get a signal. Peter made a mad dash toward Pablo, but at the same instance Pablo took off down the alley, letting Peter gain no ground.

Pablo flung over garbage cans, boxes and anything else he could manage to push over to obscure his assailant. Peter hopped with effectiveness and appeared to be gaining ground until Pablo ducked into one of the dark warehouses. Before Pablo could shut the door and lock it, Peter stretched out to use his foot to block it. He didn’t expect the force in which the door would slam. Pain shot through his foot like lightening shooting through a grass hut. He reamed with pain while Pablo took the opportunity to look for something to block the door.

Pablo breathed heavily as he looked around with intensity but found nothing! In an instant, he looked down at his waist and began to take off his belt. Peter heard Pablo behind the door and knew if he was able to reach the roof that everything would be over. He couldn’t let that happen, pain or no pain. With all the strength he could muster, Peter grabbed the hand rail to pull himself up and once standing lowered his shoulder and made his way towards the door with full force. Pablo was still trying to use his belt as a latch of sorts when the impact of Peters blow struck him in the forehead, and knocked him toward the stairs in confusion. The pain in Pablo’s foot returned with full force and the adrenaline of the moment had worn off. He limped in agony as Pablo gathered his wits.

Pablo shook of the blow and made his way up the stairs. At the same instance Peter reached out in desperation to grasp his foot. Pain shot through his head, chest, and arms. As Pablo broke loose, Peter could see what caused him such agony. Quills filled his body as groans filled his mouth. He fell back against the wall in pain and exhaustion only to watch his dashed hopes make its way to clear airwaves.

The Case of the Disappearing Marshmallow’s Part 7

27 Jan

​Last time on the case of the disappearing marshmallows, Peter had discovered who the culprit was who had stolen his precious marshmallows. It was Pablo the porcupine! Peter’s little froggy heart was aching with grief over someone who could be so calloused as to enslave such a beautiful white puff of goodness as a marshmallow. Peter’s throat puffed in and out as if in on beat to the music from an intense thriller movie. He tried to settle his raging heart while listening as the unsuspecting culprit explained his position.

​“Peter, I’ve stood by for years watching everyone around giggle with delight as they stuffed their faces with those disgusting little squishy white squares, and I can’t take it anymore.”

“Every bite taken is an insult to me.”

“I’ve lived with the scars from the day that those foxes pulled out my quills one by one.”

“I’ve had to live with the memory of those evil red dogs using my quills as roasting sticks for those horrendous little puff balls. No more!”

“Today I will rid world from marshmallows.”

“But, why Pablo?”

“It wasn’t the marshmallows that scared you so bad. It was the foxes that hurt you that day, not the marshmallows.”

“They were victims just like you, Pablo.”

“You can’t blame them for everything that happened to you.”

“They were just innocent treats in the wrong place at the wrong time, and used by evil paws to do something they would never do on their own.”

“Marshmallows would never hurt anyone on purpose Pablo.”

“Granted, sometimes they will burn your tongue if you put them on your mouth straight out of the fire, and never mind that once you touch a melted marshmallow, it then spreads to everything you touch.”

“That’s just the beautiful price for eating the most delectable treat in the frogiverse.”

“You’ve got to come to your senses Pablo. Stop this evil plan of yours, I’m begging you!”

“Never Peter the Frog!”

“I’ve waited for this day for a long time.”

“It’s time to finish what I’ve started.”

“It’s time to put an end to marshmallows forever.”

As Pablo said this, he reached into his pocket. Pablo pulled out his FlyPhone, and began to smile.

“Would you believe it Peter if I told you that I created an App that will cause such devastation, the world will never forget Pablo the Porcupine.”

“All I have to do is press this little button, and 47 warehouses around the world that are filled with those disgusting little treats will immediately be incinerated in a blast so spectacular, even lighting bugs will marvel.”
“What’s even more spectacular than that, is that I’ve created a virus that will be sent to every known marshmallow factory in the world, and bring them to their knees.”

The Case of the Disappearing Marshmallow’s Part 6

26 Jan

Last time on the case of the disappearing marshmallows, Peter had finally met the culprit responsible for the disappearance of his precious treats. It was Pablo the porcupine, and he had a pile of marshmallows at his feet.

​Peter was speechless. He had known Pablo for years. He could have never imagined that Pablo was capable of such a horrible thing. The only word that escaped Peter’s mouth as he stood before Pablo was, “Why?”

“Why would you do such a thing,” exclaimed Peter?

“What did marshmallows ever do to you except fill your bellow with yummy goodness?”

“Yummy goodness,” Pablo shouted out in anger!

“Yummy goodness, I’ll tell you about yummy goodness!”

“When you were off roasting marshmallows on a stick to stuff your froggy face with smores, I was being used as the stick.”
Peter didn’t understand what Pablo was talking about.

“What do you mean Pablo?”

“What do you mean you were used as a stick?”

After a long silence, Pablo finally spoke. His face was a little more tender this time, and Peter almost thought that he actually saw a tear fall down Pablo’s cheek as he spoke.

“When I was a young porcupine Pablo said softly, the foxes used to pick on me horribly.”

“I was off camping in the woods with my friends one summer, and we were settling in to make some treats after playing in the lake.”

“We started a huge bon fire.”

“This wasn’t just any fire, but this was the fire of fires.”

“This fire was so big you could see it from space!”

“We pulled out our sticks to start roasting marshmallows for smores when we heard a noise in the woods moving closer to us.”

“It was the sound of howls, and a lot of them.”

“Soon we were surrounded by foxes, and what they did to me and my friends is the reason why I’m destroying all your precious marshmallows.”

The Case of the Disappearing Marshmallow’s Part 5

23 Jan

​Last time on the case of the disappearing marshmallow’s Peter received this note which read,
“you have come this far Peter the Frog, so you won’t mind going a little further if you love your precious marshmallow’s. After you’re done reading this note I want to go outside to the corner of the street and wait for the bus number 23. Get on the bus and wait for my next set of instructions. If for some reason you miss the bus or try something tricky, you can say good bye to your lovely’s.”
​Peter calmly left the cafe while stuffing the note in his pocket. He walked to the corner and waited for bus 23 to arrive. As he waited Peters mind rushed with a frenzy of thoughts. He felt like he was in the midst of a mystery he just couldn’t figure out. What are the clues he thought to himself. Perhaps there is something in the text. Maybe there is some clue in the note. As Peter’s mind raced, bus 23 pulled up. As the door to the bus opened slowly, Peter stepped forward. As he walked through the door, he knew he was entering into a world of danger in which he would not be able to return.

​Peter sat near the door in case he needed to make a fast escape. He didn’t know what to expect. He pulled the note out of his pocket trying to figure out what to do. The note gave him no clues. He waited for something, for anything. He looked at his frog berry. He had been on the bus for over 30 minutes and just when he was about to give up, his frog berry buzzed. The text read,

“Get off at the next stop, and I’ll be waiting for you behind the purple elephant.”

​The bus slowed to a stop and the door opened. Peter stepped out the door and looked around with intensity. He looked in every direction, but saw no purple elephant. As the bus pulled away Peter looked where it had just been and there was it was. The purple elephant was across the street. It wasn’t what he had expected at all. He was looking for a statue or something, but it was a toy factory. He walked down the alley to get behind the factory. As he turned the corner what he saw almost made him drop to his knees. Pablo the Porcupine stood before Peter with a small pile of marshmallows at his feet.

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