A Whistle in the Dark-Bio

There are some things that stay with a person for a life time. No matter how hard you try to ignore, cover up, or just plain deny, some experiences burrow into the dusty crevices of the inner chambers of our hearts, leaving lasting impressions that secretly shape the foundations of everything we believe about the world, people, and most importantly ourselves. For most of us these impressions are formed early in our childhood and have a subtle craftiness to whisper doubts, fears, and accusations into our every thought, leaving us almost completely unaware of their lasting impact upon our lives. No other experience has shaped and molded me more during the impressionable years of my childhood as the slow abandonment of my father. It hasn’t been until recent years that I’ve realized the effects of that abandonment on my heart and how it’s shaped almost every aspect of my life, including how I view God. Sadly, like a solitary drop of rain exploding in an ocean of water, my story is only one amongst millions of others that have yet to be told.

It was on a summer trip to Kansas of all places, where in the quietness of my soul, and the companionship of a best friend, that I discovered an invitation to be initiated into the greatest journey of my life, being fathered by the Father of Fathers. I was in a small two bedroom apartment in middle of nowhere that the voice of God came down and spoke courage into my fearful heart, and inspired me to look at the tragic experiences of my life through the lens of His love. Like many who have gone before me, it was in the bareness of a desert that the Father extended a ladder to reveal his love, but as with Jacob long ago, it was not without a wrestling in my soul, and brokenness in my hip. Like a physician needing to reset a broken bone, for years, God has been taking me back into the broken seasons of my life, especially the abandonment of my father, and showing me how he has always been there and always will be. It has taken the courage of His spirit to re-enter those dark places of my soul, but through obedience directed by love, my true Father has been sweeping out the voices lurking in the darkness, and searing truth upon my heart. A Whistle in the Dark: The Adventure of Eaner Pickernan, is a processing of that journey.

In my wildest dreams, I could have never imagined that in the process of this journey of those dark painful years, I would not be traveling alone, but that my dad would be on the journey with me. When God enters those painful areas of our lives, it’s not enough just to bring us back into the memories, but He has to bring us back to the emotions. We have to hear with our souls. We have to feel what we felt. The searing knife destined to make the crucial cut was none other than my dad himself, and I to the knife in him.

Although the story of my abandonment is filled with trauma, it is by the elegance of God’s handiwork that His grace is revealed to not only the victim, but the perpetrator. In this He weaves together a tapestry made of moments that, isolated, tell a story of pain and loneliness, but as a whole, of God’s momentous redemption in which the end story beautifully outshines the tragedy that enveloped it.

 

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